Jul 15, 2023

Dr Calum and Lois Miller are newlyweds with an unwavering commitment to one-man, one-woman marriage. They spoke to me about why they decided to buck the trend by getting married early in their careers and not cohabiting first.

Calum explains, “we wanted to have a successful marriage”, as he indicated that statistics suggest cohabitation could decrease the likelihood of a lasting union. He emphasises the importance of a clear demarcation between marriage and anything that precedes it. In order to be successful, he says, it’s important that “marriage is unlike anything else”.

Cohabitation, they both tell me, lacks the “real promise” that characterises marriage. They see marriage as a permanent commitment that offers “real respite” from our “disposable culture”.

As advocates of real marriage, Calum and Lois believe preparation for marriage should not only happen before the vows are exchanged, but should continue throughout the relationship. Discussing several resources they’ve found useful, they highlighted the importance of having a shared mission over merely shared interests.

Calum and Lois also shared valuable advice for young people contemplating marriage. Their guidance is to find couples to look up to for advice and to have a clear vision of the person one aspires to be. Calum clarified this by telling us to think every day how we can “take another step towards being that kind of person”.

The Millers leave us with a powerful message. Don’t waste your life, they warn. You can “do all the same cool stuff married, and it’s even better!” Yes, marriage requires sacrifices and can be challenging. Yet, for young people, Calum states, “there’s nothing really better to do” than getting married.

At C4M, we recognise the incomparable value of traditional marriage for young people and society as a whole. At population level, no other relationship type surpasses marriage in delivering beneficial outcomes for adults, children, and the nation.