I had a profoundly important discussion about toxic empathy with Dr Joe Rigney, theologian, pastor and author of The Sin of Empathy. His warnings about the misuse of empathy are urgent. His analysis has sharp relevance for marriage today. Do have a listen to our full discussion here:
Dr Rigney explains that empathy, when untethered from truth and goodness, becomes a tool of manipulation. He warns that churches, in a desire to please the progressive gaze, have muted biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality. They have instead adopted a compassion defined by liberal ideology rather than by scripture. The result is compromise, capitulation and decline. Some denominations that embraced such sentiment now fly the ‘Pride’ flag and solemnise same-sex unions. This is a vivid example of empathy leading directly to doctrinal collapse.
Rigney argues that the substitution of ‘sympathy’ with the etymologically recent ‘empathy’ has had destructive results. What passes for compassion often indulges destructive lifestyles, fuels tribalism and trades truth for falsehood. Real compassion, by contrast, seeks long-term good, even when that means saying hard truths. The danger is clear: empathy as defined by progressives has been used to usher LGBT ideology into churches, pushing aside conviction and undermining marriage.
He draws a sharp line between real compassion and destructive indulgence: “True compassion always reserves the right not to lie, not to blaspheme. So you can say, ‘I can follow you into the suffering, but I can’t follow you into the sin.’” For Rigney, courage is now critical. Cowardice is contagious, but so is courage. “All it takes is one person… to say out loud what many are thinking”, he stresses.
The implications for marriage could not be clearer. When empathy is elevated over conviction, man-woman marriage is marginalised. When courage and truth guide compassion, man-woman (real) marriage is protected, promoted and fruitful.
The Church should be leading the culture in upholding real marriage, not following the culture in undermining it.
At C4M, we continue to highlight voices willing to say the unsayable, standing firmly for marriage as the union of one man and one woman for life. I would be glad to visit your church or organisation to speak more on these issues, or to help run marriage refresher sessions. Please get in touch.