Vietnam: What the West can learn from a pro‑marriage culture

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At the invitation of a C4M supporter in Hanoi, I recently returned from an intensive seven‑day visit to Vietnam. I spent the week speaking to civic groups about how their country can avoid the family policy pitfalls that have weakened marriage in the West. Alongside this I hosted a packed men’s conference on authentic husband‑hood and fatherhood, ran a residential retreat for Vietnamese couples, spoke to young people seeking pre-marriage advice, and addressed three church gatherings to encourage local believers to keep championing lifelong commitment.

Vietnam’s law continues to define marriage exclusively as the union of one man and one woman, and marriage still enjoys remarkable cultural esteem. Divorce is rare – under five per cent of marriages end in divorce people, compared with about 42 per cent in England and Wales. In Vietnam, babies born outside of wedlock are rare, while in England and Wales, more than half now arrive outside marriage. Four in ten people in Vietnam live in three-generation households. Notably, contraceptive use among married women in Vietnam is about 76%, closely mirroring the UK, and female labour‑force participation is around 69% – higher than the UK. This indicates that Vietnam’s marriage resilience flows from culture rather than from divergent social policies.

But close‑knit households bring challenges too. During our retreat, several couples confided that ever‑present parents can amplify tensions inside a marriage. Urbanisation is also exerting familiar pressures. The national fertility rate has slipped to 1.9 children per woman and divorce is edging upwards in the big cities, mirroring trends we know only too well. Civic representatives therefore pressed me for practical steps to shore up marriage culture before the Western script of family fragmentation takes hold.

There are things we can learn from Vietnam. First, we must recover the confidence to celebrate marriage openly; weddings there remain community events, reminders that a strong family is everyone’s business. Second, we need fresh ways to reconnect the generations so that wisdom, support and responsibility flow in both directions. Finally, we must keep teaching the evidence – beyond ideology – that children thrive best with their married mum and dad.

C4M exists to tell that story. Your support and gifts enable me to travel the UK giving talks on marriage and running marriage related seminars and courses. To find out more or arrange an event at your own church or organisation, drop a line to admin@c4m.org.uk.