THE KEY TO INTIMACY IN REAL MARRIAGE

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In the final part of this four-part series, Matt Loehr, President of Dare to Be Different marriage ministries, talks to me about a vital but often neglected topic: physical intimacy in marriage. Matt has counselled hundreds of married couples – many of whom haven’t had sex in 10 or 15 years. But he insists the solution isn’t to begin in the bedroom: “Pursue verbal intimacy, emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy, and you’ll find that physical intimacy falls into place.” In offering practical advice, Matt handles sensitive issues with care. Though he is a Christian, his insights apply to people of all faiths and none. You can watch the full video here.

Matt notes that during seasons of marital strain, “sex often pays the price”, sometimes giving way to pornography or affairs – “all of which is devastating”. He underlines the importance of physical connection as part of a broader emotional and relational bond.

Regular intimacy, he explains, is not a matter of duty, but of love and mutual care. It protects marriages from outside pressures and deepens trust. “Don’t be a selfish sexual partner”, Matt exhorts.

For Matt, the definition of real marriage is simple and non-negotiable: “One man, one woman for life.” He points to the consistent evidence showing that children do best in homes where this is lived out. He echoes the findings of 1930s Oxford anthropologist J.D. Unwin, who showed that cultures that flourish uphold pre-marital chastity and post-marital monogamy – and unravel when they abandon them.

The conversation closes with a stark warning about the destructive impact of pornography, especially on children. “It’s like drinking acid that will kill you”. Whether or not a spouse is aware, its effects include isolation, mistrust, and even physiological consequences. Recovery is definitely possible – but often requires time, accountability, and expert help.

At C4M, we are committed to defending and promoting real marriage – one man and one woman, for life. It remains the most stable, loving foundation for children, and a cornerstone of a healthy society. Thank you for standing with us as we continue to make the case nationally for real marriage – boldly, clearly, and positively.