Stop porn damaging today’s kids and tomorrow’s marriages

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I sit down with Gary McFarlane, a counsellor working at the sharp end of porn addiction in marriages. Gary witnesses the effects on trust, intimacy and the vows couples make. Please watch the full conversation online and share it.

In the UK, porn use is common. Ofcom’s Online Nation 2024 shows that about 29% of UK online adults accessed a pornographic content service in May 2024. Common sense tells us that it harms marriages, and this is backed by a longitudinal study which finds that married Americans who began viewing pornography between survey waves had roughly double the odds of divorce.

Children are being primed for failure in future relationships. The Children’s Commissioner reports that most young people have seen pornography before 18, with the average first exposure at 13; more than a quarter have seen it by 11, often by accident, and much of it is violent. That is a bleak training ground for marriage.

Gary is clear about what porn does to the emotional dimension of the marriage bond: “And so porn is not about porn, Tony. Sex is not about sex. It is a way of trying to manage emotions by getting those chemicals into the body.” He is equally blunt that it compromises fidelity: “you are in an affair with somebody else”. He warns of the comparison trap: “You are sharing your sex life with Mrs. Porn. A wife, a partner, cannot compete with Mrs. Porn, sexually or in any other way.” These are not abstract points. They describe the actual despair that too many husbands and wives live with. I know, I talk to them.

The interview touches on practical steps. Gary stresses getting specialised help and not treating this as “men behaving badly” but as a compulsive pattern that needs honest accountability and proper treatment. Couples can rebuild trust. But secrecy kills it.

There’s an even deeper cultural problem to confront. Children are not stumbling on harmless material. Official reports document widespread exposure and an escalation into violent content, yet policy responses remain timid and slow. My short critique of the Commissioner’s approach, together with concrete solutions, is set out here. In general, my recommendations include robust, enforced age checks across all services that allow porn, closing the social‑media back door, default child‑safe settings on devices and networks, and honest teaching that counters porn’s lies about sex, consent and dignity.

Exclusivity in marriage is not a Victorian relic. It is a proven foundation for stability. Peer‑reviewed research shows that having premarital sexual partners other than one’s eventual spouse is associated with a higher risk of divorce, and that risk rises with partner count. Guarding chastity before marriage and exclusivity within marriage protects families.

At C4M, the goal is simple. Defend real marriage by defending exclusivity. Call porn what it is and stop it from corroding today’s marriages. Protect children from early exposure so tomorrow’s marriages stand a chance. Please watch the interview, share it, talk frankly in homes and in churches, press for real age‑assurance that actually bites, and if porn is already in the home, get help now. The marital bond is worth fighting for.